Racing the sun home
I’ve got a headlight out.
The Sexiness in Star Trek TNG
Is the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen onscreen that wasn’t directed by Eli Roth.
Most popular boy’s name: Oliver. Most popular girl’s name: Olivia. - Most popular condiment: Tapenade?
What kind of cameras do manic-depressives use? - Bipolaroid.
Ned Nhokes Eulogizes Humanity
In the early minutes of 1997, sometime between the first and second glasses of champagne (Eastern Time), the atmosphere bled off completely. This is not a poetic way of saying the canapes ran out and the lights came up. Benevolent alien scientists observed the near-miss asteroid pass between Earth and Moon, practically knocking off a metaphorical sideview mirror, and the way they explained it to...
How to help your kid be a writer →
For about twenty minutes this evening, my daughter’s vocabulary was reduced to a single word. “Yogurt,” she said. And said.
Starving. Dying of thirst. Why is there a single word for the one, but a whole phrase for the other? Dying of hunger?
Because I could not stop for death A tale of a fateful trip That started from this tropic port Aboard this tiny ship
Just blur everyone’s middle fingers all the time just in case?
When I died they washed me out of the vibrams with a hose.– death of the trendy free runner
KILL YOUR IDOLS GRILL YOUR PIZZA– why am i in seminary?
Minivan Public Address System
Our Honda has a line-in jack. Great for iPods. Hook up a microphone. Roll down the windows. Crank up the volume. Everyone in my neighborhood needs to know what I think.
The Other Story I Tell My Kid
Claire lived in a big old house with her grandma. She had a dog, Bob. Claire and Bob loved to play hide n seek with Alice, the ghost. Alice was the best hider because she could float through walls. Bob was the best seeker because he could smell anything just like he was seeing it, even Alice. After playing with Alice and Bob, Claire would have been the best human hide n seeker in the world....
The story I tell my kid after we finish The Three...
The next day, two of the pigs leave the brick house. One builds a castle out of boulders. The other builds an island out of mountains, and lives in a cave at the peak of the tallest mountain. The next day a giant bangs on the door of the brick house. ”Little pig, little pig, let me in,” the giant says. “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin,” the pig says. ...
Always have to steal my jokes from you.