January 2011
25 posts
Feb can't get here fast enough
I’m so tired of commercials that start, “It’s a new year, so”
and (especially) continue, “hurry on down to Applebees…”
Eating at Applebees is not a good way to keep a weightloss resolution.
The BB coffee drink
BB = Double Black. Take a cup of strong coffee and add a shot of espresso.
Origin notes: A coworker chatted to me that he’d accidentally turned the intern into a ball of nervous fury by jokingly telling him he’d be fired if there were any complaints against him.
I chatted back, “It’s like that time in BSG where Starbuck got BB killed. Totes not her fault.”
This...
What Ben Did
Things I overheard a 10 year old guess Ben Roethlisburger* had done when his friend told him his father hated him for being not a very good man, despite the Steelers being a good team:
Brought a gun into a bar
Shot someone
Went naked in public
Went naked in a bar
* football guy
Walked right into it
Daughter: I had a muca in my eye.
Me: You had some mucus in your eye?
Daughter: No, just only one.
Here's a drawing I don't have time to draw
An old wishing well, cutaway underneath are the Morlocks from Wells’ The Time Machine.
Or else the Morlocks from X-Men.
“It disappoints me that avid doesn’t rhyme with David.”
Did I already write about
the batteries dying on your Walkman? Like, you could spend a week riding the bus listening to the nightmare slo-mo reverse-chipmunks version of “Shoop” on the tape you recorded from the radio because where the hell were you, a nine-year-old, going to get batteries?
I think I did. Sorry if so.
“I wonder why the alphabet is in that order anyway.”
3 tags
A Game It Takes Longer to Set Up Than Play
Monopoly is a boardgame people will play even though they don’t like games and don’t like Monopoly.
I propose the addition of the following to your likely-compendious set of Monopoly House Rules: If someone rolls three doubles in a row, rather than going to Jail, the game ends immediately.
The end of a game of Monopoly is a thing most people long to see in their lifetime, especially...
Dave Przybysz's Vowel Cache: Dubious dating... →
idontgetrunnershigh:
southtwelfth:
the often unfair and generally awful website ratemyprofessor.com [is] fun because you can mentally change the word “professor” to “girlfriend/boyfriend” (depending on the circumstances), and the word “students” to the opposite number. Then you get hilarious insider information…
This is like unlocking extra levels once you beat the internet the first...
Dubious dating practices.
southtwelfth:
the often unfair and generally awful website ratemyprofessor.com [is] fun because you can mentally change the word “professor” to “girlfriend/boyfriend” (depending on the circumstances), and the word “students” to the opposite number. Then you get hilarious insider information like this:
He just is not clear about what he wants.
She is a very tough girlfriend and can be unfair.
...
A no turn on red sign
posted on the righthand side of the intersection is in the place I am directing the least amount of my attention when I am checking to see if I am clear to turn on red.
Come Out to Play
Do the Warriors have a theme?
I know all the other gangs of New York are mime, baseball team, karate, pimp, and lesbian themed, (all in the most campy, offensive way possible {I never thought I’d be taken aback by a stereotyped depiction of roller skaters}) but I have always just figured the Warriors were like the base model. If they had a theme, it was maybe “indefatigable”.
...
Somethin in the way her feet stink
Attract flies like she’s a cadaver
Somethin in the way her feet stink
Mater Dei and the Maitre'd
This is the title of an odd-couple sitcom about when the Virgin Mary got an apartment with a snooty headwaiter, and their… antics.
I think it’s set in the early-’90s.
You've Escaped: Parting Words →
youveescaped:
You sneak into the grocery past the Girl Scouts who are peddling their crack cookies and you wonder how you’ll get by them without having to buy cookies you’ll eat in one night.
The way I understand nutrition, eating a box of cookies one-a-day for a month is effectively the same as eating a whole box of cookies in one night, provided that’s the only cookies you have that...
More Reverse Monopoly Rules
The game needed to have some element of strategy added. The base rules amounted to a more elaborate Chutes and Ladders.
Chance and Community Chest:
Shuffle both decks together. Deal five cards to each player.
On each turn, Alice may play a card from her hand onto Bob. Bob immediately does what is indicated on the card. Monetary transactions may be reversed at Alice’s discretion...
North-By-NorthEats
Filme Noir themed diner.
Come on in with your mistress who is your bosses’ wife who is his daughter. Smoking required.
Menu: Eggs, black coffee, whiskey, 80 kinds of pie.
Dresscode: bad hat, slacks, suspenders. Ladies: Up-do, veil, lipstick applied with trowel, shoulderpads.
Reverse Monopoly
Help your friends down from the lonely parapet of crushing wealth, back to the cozy poorhouse.
For 3+ players. Time: ~20 minutes. Age: 8+
Setup: One player starts with all the money in the box and all the properties. All properties get a hotel.
Play: All pawns start on Boardwalk. Play passes to the right. On your turn:
Be repaid the rent from the Monopolist. (For instance, the first player...
I'd like to see
a stadium-filling rock band perform their greatest hits using only the instruments we had in music class. The clacker, one person with the cowbell, a recorder, somebody rocking a triangle, someone with the little finger-cymbals, and everyone else gets the wood block.
And then try and do Smoke on the Water.
whenever i get a haircut i look like a weirdo for...
nicolascageismypatronus:
because my head feels so much lighter but i still the same amount of force to move it so i end up looking really enthusiastic/spastic
My kid calls me Dave now
Two and a half is apparently the age when you are too cool for “Dad” anymore. It was nice while it lasted.
In Case of Zombies
Do not use elevator shaft
libraryland:
“How is it that the poets have said so many fine things about our first love, so few about our later love? Are their first poems their best? Or are not those the best which come from their fuller thought, their larger experience, their deeper-rooted affections?”
—
George Eliot, Adam Bede
Mature love is its own poetry.
No Name Aisle
No signs in the aisles, and they told me it was on purpose.
I was in W[upscale supermarket]d’s today and went right to the toddler treats we go through at the rate of about 4 boxen/wk. I was on a mission. Ignored the free sample stand of clementines.
But before checkout I thought hey maybe get some crackers or frootsnacks. You know, round out the toddler food pyramid (Ground floor:...